Goth Fever - Printable Version +- Gothic Romance Forum, a Community for Gothic Romance Fiction and Literature Lovers (https://www.gothicromanceforum.com) +-- Forum: Writing (https://www.gothicromanceforum.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=9) +--- Forum: Other Fiction Writing (https://www.gothicromanceforum.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=25) +--- Thread: Goth Fever (/showthread.php?tid=457)

Goth Fever - zerademark - 06-08-2009 It was the first day of school for the young Samantha Wing. She had recently moved in a new town located somewhere in Utah, and her parents had inscribed her into the local highschool. The young sixteen year old girl looked at the name tag of the school. “Right-Wing Highschool.” She read loud up. ‘This is either a reference to my last name, or an indication of a conservative school. Either way I’m screwed.’ She concluded in her thoughts. Entering the school, she immediately caught the attention of several people. But not in a good way. Samantha already took notice of a group of girls, all giggling and hanging around their boyfriends, looking disgusted at her way. Cheerleaders. This was also common at her former school, and partially the reason her family moved away from her home town. The pesky cheerleaders had the habit of sending hate-email messages to Samantha and humiliating her at any given chance. ***** Samantha opened her locker, only to have ants crawling out. These biting red ants had spread all over her books and other stuff. When she looked around, Samantha saw Nancy looking at her with a large grin on her face. Samantha would have walked strait to her former best friend if a red ant didn’t bite her finger at that exact moment. ***** ‘I can’t let this keep happening each and every time.’ Samantha decided. ‘I don’t want to have another “war”, not now. If that girl wants trouble, then I will just have to try to ignore it until she gets bored.’ “Hello, you must be the new student.” A voice greeted behind her. Samantha, who was sunken deep into her thoughts, shocked a little bit of the sudden voice. Turning around, she spotted a girl who seems to be a few years older than her. The girl carried several multi maps and other papers in her arms. Big round glasses enlarged her eyes and at the same time almost covered her brown eyes. Noticing that she had been gazing at the girl rudely with an open mouth, Samantha quickly introduced herself. “M-my name is Samantha…Samantha Wing.” “Yes I know.” The older girl replied. “My name is Lorry, and I’m secretary of the school president. I was assigned by the principal at guiding you through the school.” “Uhm…Okay.” Samantha waved her hand through her long black hair. Lorry acted if it was only now that she noticed Samantha’s attire. “Hey…Sammie, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but…Your outfit doesn’t really match school policy. Ehm, If you know what I mean.” “No…not really. Ehm, what do you actually mean?” Samantha asked. “Look Sammie, this is a public school which tries to hold a positive image resembling that of the church who founded it.” Lorry explained. “That is why we hold a strict policy at what to wear and what not to wear. You see, a school is a place to learn important things and not to…well…You have to dress appropriate for school. Understand?” Samantha looked at herself critically. “I think I’m good. I mean, no miniskirts or hotpants o-or stuff. So I think I’m okay.” “Uh-uh. How can I explain this?” Lorry asked herself. She graphed Samantha arm and pulled her while walking. “Your clothes aren’t that immoral…but…they are inappropriate. I mean, your black shirt with ‘ANGEL OF DEATH’ printed on it, those jeans with the chains hanging from the sideways…and all those necklaces and those thingies on your arm. Those things just don’t really fit, Sammie.” “You mean my necklaces and spike bands? But those are not in appropriate at all!” Samantha protested. “Actually, Sammie…they are products invented by the devil. So…please think about it. This is your first day at Right-Wing High, so no one will take it hard on you. But I would ask you to please consider it tomorrow to leave it home.” Samantha looked at the secretary of the school president perplex. ‘Wauw, the perfect start of a perfect year. God save my soul.’ RE: Goth Fever - Monique Devereaux - 06-09-2009 Don't know if you are looking for comments or critiques on your writing but here's my two cents anyway: This piece doesn't really go anywhere. It reads like a set-up to something longer. Your control of language needs quite a bit of polishing, there is quite a bit of incorrect word usage as well as incorrect punctuation. The flow of the story is fine. Our forum is about Gothic writing, not writing about Goths. Gothic is a form of writing. Goth is a form of music which has branched out into a subcultural lifestyle with accompanying clothing styles. Hopefully you understand the difference. An extended version of this piece would be more interesting to me, and perhaps to other forum members, if your Goth heroine actually existed within the parameters of classic Gothic structure. It can be done and would make an interesting crossover. Whichever direction you choose, keep up with your writing. It takes a lot of work, discipline, and focus. Others have done it, so can you! RE: Goth Fever - zerademark - 06-09-2009 Thank you for your comment Miss Devereaux, and yes, I am looking for critiques. This is indeed incomplete, and the latter gothic elements come later. And I do know the difference between Goth literature and Goth sub-culture. I am currently working on the rest of the story. And please excuse me for the spelling and grammar. English is not my home langauge. Again, thank you for the comment and your advice, Salaam, -Zerachiel de Mark-