06-09-2009, 07:17 AM
Don't know if you are looking for comments or critiques on your writing but here's my two cents anyway:
This piece doesn't really go anywhere. It reads like a set-up to something longer. Your control of language needs quite a bit of polishing, there is quite a bit of incorrect word usage as well as incorrect punctuation. The flow of the story is fine. Our forum is about Gothic writing, not writing about Goths. Gothic is a form of writing. Goth is a form of music which has branched out into a subcultural lifestyle with accompanying clothing styles. Hopefully you understand the difference. An extended version of this piece would be more interesting to me, and perhaps to other forum members, if your Goth heroine actually existed within the parameters of classic Gothic structure. It can be done and would make an interesting crossover.
Whichever direction you choose, keep up with your writing. It takes a lot of work, discipline, and focus. Others have done it, so can you!